If you've ever found yourself spiraling into worst-case scenarios, feeling overwhelmed by emotions, or reacting in ways you later regret, you're not alone. Building emotional resilience—the ability to navigate difficult emotions without being derailed—is one of the most important skills we can develop.

Here are three key aspects of emotional resilience that can transform how you handle life's challenges.

When Your Brain Goes Down the Rabbit Hole

I can easily get caught up in catastrophic thinking and find myself imagining the worst case scenario possible.

For example, I was taking an Anatomy and Physiology class required for my degree. First exam? Failed. I studied hard and even talked with my sisters who have nursing degrees—they thought it was complicated too. So I dropped the class.

I took it again later. Same thing happened. In my head it seemed futile. What's the point in getting F's and D's? There's no way I'm going to pass this class.

What I discovered: the class was graded on a curve. I would have gotten a better grade if I'd stayed in the first class. My brain couldn't fathom that I could fail exams and still pass the class.

By the way, I got a C.

My brain had jumped to catastrophic thinking—one of 10 common negative thinking patterns we all fall into:

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking - "I failed one test, so I'm a failure"
2. Overgeneralization - "I always mess things up"
3. Mental Filter - Only focusing on negatives
4. Discounting the Positive - "That doesn't count"
5. Jumping to Conclusions - Mind reading or fortune telling
6. Magnification - Making problems bigger than they are
7. Emotional Reasoning - "I feel it, so it must be true"
8. Should Statements - "I should be better at this"
9. Labeling - "I'm stupid" instead of "I made a mistake"
10. Personalization - Taking blame for things outside your control

The key is catching these patterns before they spiral. Ask yourself: "Is this thought helpful? Is it true? What would I tell a friend?"

Learning to Sit in the Fire

Let me tell you about a client we'll call Samantha. She grew up with narcissistic parents who blamed everything on her. After leaving home, she invested in breaking old patterns, but her nervous system was constantly in fight or flight mode.

With practice, safety and time, she's learning to sit with difficult emotions and physical sensations without being overwhelmed. I'm watching her trust herself more and speak up when something doesn't feel right. Her window of tolerance for managing difficult situations keeps growing.

Understanding Your Window of Tolerance

Your "window of tolerance" is your ability to stay calm when difficult emotions arise:

• Above your window: Overwhelmed, panicked, explosive (fight or flight)
• Below your window: Numb, shut down, disconnected (freeze)
• Inside your window: You can feel emotions without being overwhelmed

When we've experienced trauma or stress, our window gets smaller. Small things feel huge. We react instead of respond.

The good news? We can expand our window by:

• Starting small with minor frustrations
• Breathing slowly when emotions feel intense
• Reminding ourselves: "This feeling will pass"
• Practicing self-compassion

Remember: The goal isn't to never feel difficult emotions. It's to feel them without them taking over.

The Power of the Pause

Viktor Frankl said: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

I worked with a client who used to yell at her kids. She'd get triggered, yell, feel massive guilt, then do it again. The tools we used helped her pause before responding and care for her nervous system. When she made mistakes, she learned self-compassion.

This is a practice. The more we interrupt old patterns, the more our brains and bodies create new routes.

Creating the Space

That space isn't automatic—we create it. When we do, everything changes:

• Your thinking brain comes back online
• You remember you have choices
• You respond instead of react
• You break old patterns and create new ones

Tools to Create the Space

1. The 5-Second Rule - Count to 5 before responding
2. Name It to Tame It - "I'm feeling angry" or "I notice I'm triggered"
3. Breathe Slowly - Take 3 deep breaths
4. Ask Yourself - "How do I want to respond?"
5. Body Check - Notice tension and breathe into it
6. Self-Compassion - "This is hard. I'm doing my best."

Remember: You don't have to be perfect. Every pause counts. Your brain learns new patterns with each practice.

The Practice of Resilience

Building emotional resilience is about developing skills to navigate difficult emotions without being overwhelmed. Whether you're catching negative thought patterns, expanding your emotional capacity, or creating space for conscious responses, this is a practice.

Every time you catch a catastrophic thought, sit with a difficult feeling, or pause before reacting, you're rewiring your brain for greater resilience.

Your initial reactions aren't your fault—they're evolutionary programming and past experiences. But your response? That's your power. In the space between what happens and how you respond, you decide who you want to be.

Ready to build your emotional resilience? Check my schedule to see if I have current openings for 1:1 sessions, or email me to join my waitlist to be notified when spots become available. Together we can use tools like the Emotion Code, Body Code, and Belief Code, Integrative Change Work and more to help you interrupt old patterns and respond from choice instead of reaction.