Why Willpower Doesn't Work

I used to be addicted to cigarette smoking.

There was this love/hate relationship I had with smoking and myself.

It’s like there were two parts of me constantly at war.

The two parts battling were my adult rational self and my needy tantrum-throwing child self.

They hated each other.

They wanted different things.

My child/primitive self won the battle almost every time.

My child brain wanted to smoke, a lot.

In fact, obeying my child brain got me smoking up to 2 packs a day.

My adult brain wanted to quit, be healthy, save money, smell better, feel in control of myself.

Many times I tried to quit and I failed.

I lost hope and trust in myself and my ability to change this habit.

Sometimes I’d get so tired of the fight that I’d just try to smoke and not think about whether to quit or not.

It was exhausting.

My adult brain was always in the background wanting something better for me.

I thought about it every day, all day.

It felt miserable.

Willpower failed me every time.

Then one day, I quit smoking.

Miracle of miracles!

I didn’t realize consciously at the time how I did this, but I understand now.

My adult brain decided ahead of time that it was in charge and that I wasn’t going to smoke cigarettes any longer.

I knew the child brain would want to battle, but I would do my best not to give in to those tantrums and just sit in the discomfort.

Sometimes I succeeded at this, other times I didn’t.

But I didn’t give up on my decision to be smoke free.

Yes, my child brain would still throw tantrums.

My adult brain lovingly responded with, “I see you. Of course you want to smoke. Go ahead and throw your tantrum. We’re not smoking.”

Then I would proceed to ignore the tantrum, but not the child or the urge.

My child brain eventually calmed down.

I chose to process my emotions by sitting in them, feeling them, and letting them move through me.

I managed the physical withdrawal symptoms with drinking more water, getting rest, and eating better foods.

I also allowed myself to feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

Over time, my child brain figured out that the tantrums didn’t work anymore.

Not a big deal.

Nothing was wrong.

This is a normal part of being human.

And in the end, I got what I truly wanted.

You can, too!

If you want to learn more about this process, I offer a free Discovery Session. Book yours today.