When Life's Surprises Trigger Our Hidden Fears

The other day, while scrolling through Facebook, I came across news that stopped me in my tracks. My friend Michael, someone I've known for over 30 years, had just suffered a major heart attack. As I read the post, a mix of emotions washed over me – relief that he survived, gratitude for his recovery, but also something deeper and more unsettling. 

When was the last time unexpected news made you confront your own vulnerability? How did you handle those uncomfortable feelings that surfaced? 

 As I sat with this news, something interesting happened. Instead of simply saying, "Hey Jill, let's look at the facts," my mind went straight to blame as a buffer. I found myself creating stories about Michael's lifestyle – the drinking, the late nights, all sorts of imagined habits that I conveniently wasn't doing. Classic mind protection at work!

Where in your life have you used blame as a buffer instead of just feeling your own feelings? Maybe it was easier to blame your partner for a relationship struggle than feel your own fear of vulnerability? Or blame your boss for work stress rather than acknowledge your anxiety about performance? 

Here's the beautiful truth: we're all wonderfully, perfectly human. This is what we do! We create these elaborate stories to protect ourselves from uncomfortable feelings. But when we can catch ourselves in the act – when we notice we're building an imaginary case file of someone else's "faults" – we have a choice. We can sit with our actual feelings instead of making the situation about something it's not (like Michael's imaginary lifestyle in my head). 

This awareness opens the door to genuine self-compassion and deeper connections with others. Instead of pushing away our feelings with judgment and blame, we can welcome them as natural responses to life's uncertainties. 

If you're noticing similar patterns in your life and would like to explore how to move from blame to authentic feeling, I'm here to help. Let's schedule a conversation about turning these moments into opportunities for growth. 

XOXO,

Jill

Photo by Ann Fossa on Unsplash